Why do I feel most Beautiful Alone in the Dark?

I have lately (past 4 or so years) thought that I do pretty well at not holding high expectations for myself in terms of comparing myself to women that I see in the media. I wish to live a meaningful and honest life and not to care about how I look and not to compare myself to others.

But as much as I try to talk myself around it, I have some deep rooted issues when it comes to seeing myself through a lens that wishes to see faces and bodies like the ones below. I like to take charge of my own life and thoughts and work towards a healthy life view, but in some cases I need to admit to the ways I have been a victim to the media. And I am not intending on using the word victim to imply that the media is an evil monster (though I am not arguing against that, that is just a whole other topic that I am not interested in confronting at the moment).

The following poem speaks to the way that I feel trapped in this mind frame that has been shaped by the images that I have seen my whole life, including both hollywood characters as well as people in my own life, though I thought it inappropriate to include photos of those women (another topic that could be confronted at another time).

Why do I feel most beautiful,

Alone in the dark?

When the beauty I possess,

Is equal to that which I experience?

What has this world done to me,

I could be so beautiful,

But the light casts judgment,

It tells me how to feel.

Where can I go,

Inside of my mind,

Where I can run free

And experience

One simple beauty

By one simple beauty?

Or must I walk outside,

Outside of what I know,

Let it go,

It is a trade, maybe,

If I let these thoughts go,

Completely,

They may let go of me.

I do not want to explain,

But this world tells me I must,

And the temptation,

Oh sweet temptation,

Of the glimpse of knowing,

Almost,

Reaching the answer,

Of how to see myself

Beautiful.

But that sweet temptation lies,

For in the dark I know,

That there is no truth.

Truth is a word that I

Must cast away,

Discard the frilly act,

And turn off the light.

Yes, turn off the light,

And here I see beauty,

I see it with my ears,

I see it against my skin,

And there is no answer,

There are no words or definitions,

And that is why, darling,

I feel most beautiful alone in the dark.